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Thursday, September 24th, 2009
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7:27 pm
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Wow, what a frustrating day in so many ways. Here's hoping tomorrow is a bit better, more harmonious, and more productive.
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| Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
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9:08 pm - We interrupt the scheduled non-writing to bring you this important announcement
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The penalty is done. Done! I can drive. Wherever the fuck I want. Finally, finally. God damn, has it been a long year.
I'd say 'and fuck you, too, assholes' to the DMV, and give the appropriate gesture, but they were quick, efficient (except for the first person who didn't know what was going on) and GAVE ME MY FUCKING LICENSE BACK.
Wow...it feels like a sixteen-ton weight has finally been lifted from my chest.
(Now, just for a little over two weeks to pass, and I will have a full-time local boyfriend as well. Things are finally turning up a bit. It's...surreal. Maybe after another month has passed, it will all have sunk in.)
Anyway....just wanted to let everyone know. Woot!
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| Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
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9:28 pm
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Back from Long Beach. Still coughing. Missing M. Quiet house. Kinda lonely, honestly.
Sometime I should go on about how I miss touch in my life, and how when I do have it, when it's not just random, it seems to mean everything. But somehow, I think the public at large would not be really that keen on hearing it.
But the plane ride was okay. Good on Jet Blue for getting better seats for the new Sacramento-Long Beach run planes.
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| Sunday, November 2nd, 2008
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9:30 pm
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Bad time to get a cold.
Wish I were about 2,000 words ahead of where I am on the NaNoWriMo project. But I have written about 1,000 words today despite being congested and rather lightheaded and out of it.
But...trudging ahead. Yay for the Friday to come.
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| Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008
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8:32 pm - Because I know everyone was missing the angst
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Long day, long week. Nothing major, as per usual, just a steady grinding and stress and rushing around and spinning plates when I feel like I barely have enough energy not to fall asleep at my desk - and always, always the shadows of what I haven't done, planned, scheduled, picked up, written (oh so many things I haven't written.)
And, I just have to remind myself that I'm doing okay, doing the necessary things. Still haven't fallen off of the high wire.
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| Wednesday, October 8th, 2008
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8:34 pm - Why the hell not?
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| My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul |
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| treesandmagma goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as masked vampire hero!. | | ally_cat_mage tricks you! You get a dead frog. | | cinnicat tricks you! You get a rotten egg. | | eidheann gives you 6 milky white chocolate-flavoured wafers. | | kelsied tricks you! You get a broken balloon. | | kit1508 gives you 11 light green spearmint-flavoured gumdrops. | | lady_cinnicat tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy! | | mikeyarrum gives you 1 softly glowing lemon-flavoured pieces of chewing gum. | | treesandmagma ends up with 17 pieces of candy, a dead frog, a rotten egg, and a broken balloon. | | Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern. |
Not too bad really...
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6:08 pm
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Would have been nice if today never happened. Yep yep. (No, nothing drastically happened, just...yeah. Trying not to write a bunch of self-deprecating depressive things. With partial success.)
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| Monday, September 22nd, 2008
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9:25 pm
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Do you ever feel like there is a world of words at your fingertips, on your tongue, and the images pass through your brain, through your heart, and you feel like you could write the world? The greatest poem? The great american novel and back again?
And then it's gone?
Yeah.
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| Friday, September 19th, 2008
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8:40 pm - Transcription from Paper Journal - True Love
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(Written today, approximately 4:30pm, at the True Love Coffeehouse - which I have now figured out how to get into. Punk music overhead.)
My inner punk jumps up and down and punches the air and chants along with the words - even though I have no idea who this is - or what the song is - it's just fucking awesome punk.
I love me some True Love. I love me some German Chocolate Mocha. I love me tables with swirls and cows painted on them. I love me some random punk music I don't know. I love me some chapbooks I bought when I should have saved my money.
I love me some midtown. Yes, I miss you sometimes.
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8:32 pm - Writing Activity
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(Here is kind of the result of a writing activity at the group on Wednesday. Basically, it was inspired by the poem "Six Words" by Thea Hillman...and we were encouraged to take six words to describe ourselves and/or write our biography. I tried making lists, but that was to no avail. So...instead...I just made six word-sentence poems, autobiographical-ish. I sorta treated them like haikus, counting them out, and just continued writing them. They do stand separately, but they seem to work pretty well together. Anyway, I thought I'd share.)
I moved away from there.
I moved farther than I thought.
I stumbled down the garden path.
The rusty door finally gave way.
The world erupted from the sidewalk.
Your words were sweet and sad.
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| Wednesday, September 17th, 2008
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5:31 pm
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Y'know, though I bitch and whine, life is really okay.
In about ten minutes, I'm going to be picked up and go to another writing group downtown.
I have an absolutely lovely boyfriend.
I have plans to wrap Changeling rules around my brain so hard that they come spilling out my ears. (Or, rather, I'm going to do an uber-cheat-sheet.)
And hey, though the dentist bill from yesterday was rather steep (expectedly so, but yeah), I will able to pull through without having to borrow money from my folks.
And then, I will start saving.
Huzzah!
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| Friday, September 5th, 2008
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4:54 pm - And, while I'm at it....
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The 'forbidden' haiku.
Mainly it didn't seem appropriate because that period of cool whether was so brief (and so long ago now.)
The air is cool now
and it makes me think of March
and ocean breezes.
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4:53 pm - Haiku written Wednesday
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The sun shines fiercely
while my thoughts run far ahead
and just behind me.
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| Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008
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5:33 pm - Trip, Monday, and Tuesday
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1.) The trip was really, really good. True, it wasn't quite as cool (temperature-wise) as I'd imagined, but cooler than Sacramento, in any case. M was a great host, and quite frankly, I don't think I've ever received that much affection in four days before, bar none, and it was wonderful. The friends and family part went pretty well, and, well, I got to see a lot of that part of his life. I am pretty honored by that. And yes, I miss him immensely.
2.) My usual complaints about flying still remain. Mainly the seats. I am seriously contemplating wearing a skirt next time, and the logistics of using ace bandages to bind my thighs together, so everyone will be more 'comfortable'...as the airlines would never dream of having decent-sized seats. And a special send out to the guy next to me: fuck you and the too-big backpack between your legs.
3.) I need to grow the fuck up.
4.) Today, although really tired (as per usual, but I didn't get to bed until after midnight, so it was mainly my fault), I was relatively productive...and will actually get new headgear for the CPAP and whatnot. Will have to call other doctors tomorrow.
5.) Maybe this is why I don't do daily journals. Hmm.
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| Thursday, August 28th, 2008
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6:08 pm
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I had a haiku I wanted to post something like ten days ago, when it was actually 80 outside...during the afternoon, no less. As it's back to 102, 103, 107, one hundred and ugly-something, it would be very inappropriate now. It's too bad, wasn't a bad one for me, honestly.
In other news, I hate money. But it's cool...cash advance to cover the overdraft, and getting paid tomorrow, so in theory everything is fine...unless there is yet another something huge that I'm forgetting is outstanding, in which case I'll be screwed again. And I'll deal with it as it comes along, just like always.
I am looking forward to being gone, if only for four days. I'm looking forward to being near the ocean and having 70s and 80s and not upper 90s and 100s. I'm looking forward to being away from my job, and away from all the little stupid fires in my life (which, hopefully, will stay out for a bit.) I'm very, very much looking forward to seeing someone.
T-minus approximately 18 hours.
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| Sunday, August 10th, 2008
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2:30 pm - Book Notes
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I finally finished Edison's Eve this morning - after having not read any further since my last entry (although there were less than fifty pages to go anyway.) I have to admit, I was surprised about the ending of the 'Dolls' chapter - actually meeting with the still-living Tiny Doll (Schneider). It might sound odd, but the real, awkward conversation between the author and Tiny Doll adds a fair amount of - dare I say it? - humanity to the whole thing...in a rather unexpected way. I rather like this book, and I'm usually not that huge a fan of nonfiction. (Granted, I do have my favorites - The Man Who Knew Infinity by Robert Kanigel (which, oddly enough, makes me a little wary to read the fictionalized account of Ramanujan, The Indian Clerk) and A Natural History of the Senses by Diane Ackerman.) I may wind up buying this book too, although, I suppose I should be saving my dollars for bigger things.
I have also started one of the books I had bought a few weeks ago, The Good Fairies of New York by Martin Millar. I picked it up because it just seemed like a great story - punk rock fairies from the British Isles that stumble, drunk, into a New York apartment, and madness ensues. Yes, the introduction by Neil Gaiman doesn't hurt - but thus far, I'm just liking the lighthearted flitting nature of the book. It's not my usual style, but I've already gotten rather drawn into it, only fifty or so pages in. I'm also amused by the happenstance of one of the fairies being named Heather - but perhaps that is a popular name in Scotland, anyway? Perhaps in my random wanderings, I should check that out at some point.
(And, completely unrelated to books - I am very much looking forward to a little trip I am making over Labor Day weekend. T-minus nineteen days.)
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| Sunday, August 3rd, 2008
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4:23 pm - Quiet
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It's really quiet here right now. Yes, it is pretty rare that I'm in the house alone for an extended period of time...and goodness knows, I lived alone for 5 1/2 years, so I should be used to it and/or look forward to it when I do have rare times alone...but I guess I just really miss people being around. Perhaps I should have said more to Margaret during the week, but I was tired, out of sorts, and, well, a bit distracted. She is most certainly a cool person, just yeah.
Introverted and yet missing having people around. I guess I'm not supposed to have it both ways?
I guess it also doesn't help that no one seems to be online either.
On the other hand, I was able to get a few tasks done, and am nearly done (well, less than 50 pages) with the book ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) kelsied lent me, Edison's Eve: A Magical History of the Quest for Mechanical Life. It's...really fascinating, actually. I hadn't thought nearly as much about androids, trying to recreate life, the uncanny in general, and the 'mechanization' of humanity. There was even a chapter regarding early cinema (and specifically Georges Méliès, who I had wanted to find out more about anyway...I really need to figure out a way to see some of his actual work...and, yes, perhaps it's silly that my only real exposure to him is via a Smashing Pumpkins video, but at least it was a well-done video, and obviously has stuck in my mind for longer than ten years.)
After I am done with this, I will likely go back to Freedom & Necessity, which kelsied had lent me earlier - really neat epistolary novel, but I feel sometimes I'd need a philosophical dictionary (and perhaps a historical reference as well) to read it.
Or I could read the mediation book my therapist lent to me.
Or I could read one of the new books I bought.
More books to read than one can handle at one particular time is a good thing - I just wish I didn't have so many of them lent out to me at the moment.
Aha! It appears that Margaret and Kathleen have arrived back here. It will probably still be quiet, but good knowing there are people in the house again.
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| Thursday, July 31st, 2008
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7:55 pm - In case you didn't think I was really a geek.
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Well, instead of being bored and antsy with the house empty...I've just finished redoing my new Mage character. Not quite as badass as before, but she will be more effective in a different kind of badass way. Muahahaha. Besides, I have to remember that Meg (my changeling ogre) is my brick, and that's okay.
And speaking of Meg, I have to get back to some forum-roleplaying with kelsied.
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| Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
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8:31 pm
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Yes, three entries in one day, after several months without any.
It occurs to me that I should write here...even if it's futile, even if I worry too much, even if I think I have nothing to say or am being too emo.
It's good practice, if nothing else.
It also occurs to me that I should start reading my friends' livejournals again. Granted, I don't think I could manage reading my friends' list...that was always too overwhelming. But because of stupidity years ago, my default is to let this journal go and to let my reading of others' journals go. Which is good in a way, it's very easy to overdose on information, give advice that's not really wanted, and well, be hurt and odd about things that have jack shit to do with you.
But obviously, that's not a story for now. Maybe never.
Anyway, it's amazing how much I've missed. And I am sorry...but I do hope that at least I talk to most of you anyway, and hope that I get most of the information that I missed anyway - because the not-reading had a lot more to do with me than not wanting to know what the hell is happening with people.
But I suppose I shouldn't ever expect one medium to cover another.
Oh well, I'll give both a shot. Or maybe I'll be back to haikus every seven months or so.
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7:45 pm
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(I wrote this on a post-it note at work yesterday, and smuggled it home to transcribe)
What is it
that frightens me
so much
to stop my pen
going to paper,
fingers to keyboard
to scrawl out,
somehow
the embroidery scenes on
my soul's walls,
the deep woods
and faerielands
of my mind?
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